The Rolling Stone Album Guide Sucks!

Rolling Stone is widely considered to be the authority on music, with its Encyclopedia of Rock and Roll, top 500 lists (artists, albums, LP covers), and album guides. But I beg to differ. The fourth edition of Rolling Stone's Album Guide ("10,000 of the best rock, pop, hip-hop and soul records") is rife with lazy mistakes. Along with numerous grammar and usage inconsistencies, I found these monstrous errors:

Isobel Campbell doesn't sing Belle and Sebastian's "Waiting for the Moon to Rise"; Sarah Martin does.

Black Box Records should be Black Box Recorder.

Madonna's "Beautiful Stranger" isn't a "giddy Bond soundtrack hit"; it's from the second "Austin Powers" movie. (Her "Die Another Day" is from the Bond movie of the same name.)

"Nature's Way" isn't a "Rare Earth nugget"; it's by Spirit.

Metallica is omitted. This seems strange because the band is undeniably successful and boasts a vast album repertoire. I find it odd that Megadeth and Slayer merit entries and Metallica doesn't.

Rolling Stone might be getting so secure with its elite status that the editors are getting lazy. And why not? It's not like anyone's going to question the almighty Rolling Stone. But I'm taking a stand against such rock-n-roll sloth: I propose that Rolling Stone HIRE ME AS A COPY EDITOR AND FACT-CHECKER. I'll work cheap; I just ask to be credited on the editors' page and be extensively thanked in the acknowledgements section for restoring its good name.

The Dumbest Rock Death Ever?

Steven Peregrine Took, member of Tyrannosaurus Rex (before it became the abbreviated, glammy T. Rex): Death by inhaling—and subsequently choking on—a cocktail cherry.

Things That Keep Me Awake at Night

Before Hot Topic invaded Middle American malls with its Instant Goth-in-a-Box mentality, where did the goth kids get their clothes and makeup?

In the late 1980s and early 1990s, my school was too small for goth infiltration, but nearby Springfield boasted a healthy population of teenage Bauhaus worshippers. I would see them hanging out at the local head shop, Pennylane, and wonder how they coordinated their looks. Did their outfits take a long time to create? Did they wake up knowing exactly what to wear? How did they obtain blue-black hair dye? Did they always dress that way, or did they occasionally wear jeans, cutoffs, and Nikes when they stayed home? And before the Internet, how did they get into bands like Christian Death?  (MTV didn't even play goth bands on 120 Minutes, unless you count the Cure.)

Lastly, I wonder what they think of Hot Topic?

Update on Schnucks!

Very interesting developments. This afternoon, we hit the Co-op for fresh fruit. It seems the store is railing against the grocery-store music mediocrity that Schnucks has fallen victim to! In 15 minutes, I heard Modest Mouse, Cake, and Cracker. Not bad!

Schnucks' Greatest Hits!

Ideally, I'd conduct ALL my grocery shopping at Common Ground Food Co-op, which is practically across the street from my house. But sometimes I require midnight runs for cheap sushi, generic cat food, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch—and a kick-ass soundtrack while doing it. Which is why I'll go to Schnucks. In the past few months I've heard XTC, Squeeze ("Pulling Mussels from a Shell", NOT "Tempted"), the Ramones, and Low-era David Bowie. Most grocery stores sadistically force their customers to peruse the aisles to AM dreck like "Loves Me Like a Rock" or "Get Closer." But Schnucks is committed to creating the ultimate New Wave shopping experience for its customers.

Unfortunately, in my most recent outings, I've suspected a drastic format change. Starship has replaced Talk Talk; Rod Stewart has replaced Gary Numan. I'm afraid Schnucks might be going the way of bland contemporaries like Kroger and County Market. What gives?

Beständige Geschwindigkeit

Alex from Constant Velocity has sent in the following:

"If you are looking for a jumping off point for reviewing our album consider this:

Die drei Burschen von 'Constant Velocity' wissen ganz genau, was sie wollen. Sie wollen nicht irgendeinem Trend nacheifern oder gerecht werden. Wollen keinen perfekten Sound abliefern. Im Gegenteil. Sie wollen, das ihre Musik echt und unverfälscht klingt. Und das ist ihnen gelungen, im Original 60s Sound. Die 8 Songs verfolgen auch keinen bestimmten Stil. Vom melancholisch, ruhigen Indie-Rock bis zum Art-Punk oder auch Countrysong ist alles dabei. Das Trio aus den USA will sich auf keinen Stil festlegen lassen. Ihr Motto: Ein guter Freund ist ja euch nicht jeden Tag gleich drauf. Da gibt es ups und downs. Genau wie in ihrer Musik. Und das ist rein auf die Stimmung der Songs bezogen. Gut sind sie eigentlich alle. Auf jeden Fall aber rau, roh, ein wenig sonderbar und gerade deshalb interessant."

According to freetranslation.com, this means:

"The three fellows of 'Constant Velocity' know very exactly, what they want. They do not want to emulate any trend or want to become just. Want no perfect Sound deliver. In the opposite. They want, sounds that its music really and genuine. And that is arrive them, in the original 60s Sound. The 8 songs pursue also no certain style. Of the melancholy, quiet India skirt to the type Punk or also Countrysong, all is there. The trio out of the USA wants to determine let itself on no style. Your motto: A good friend is not yes you every day equally thereon. There there are ups and downs. Exactly like in its music. And that is related purely on the mood of the songs. They are goods actual everyone. In any case however roughly, raw, a little strange and for this very reason interesting."

Thanks, Alex. A good friend is not yes, indeed.

These Just In

We have been received some new CDs for possible review. We only trash sickeningly famous Rolling Stone best-album-list darlings, so we can already warmly endorse these independent artists. My former ukulele teacher Alex Smith from Bloomington-Normal, IL, has released a new CD with his band Constant Velocity: Muttonhead.

The enigmatic (as in: who the hell is this?) Coco Coca (and why is she called "Coco Coca"?) has sent us a CD called Black, Black, Black. Coco Coca appears to be a solo Seattle-Champaign artist, but we are wonderfully unburdened with any preconception of who they are that might interfere with our raw experience of the music. I do know that cacao is the agricultural commodity from which cocoa is derived, and Coca-Cola is of course a popular softdrink that once featured coca and cola as key ingredients to provide that extra-special zing, but this trivia tells me very little. Does the music sound like cola, chocolate, and cocaine? Sounds like a tour bus.

Our friends at Parasol have given us a couple of new releases: Homesick by the Tractor Kings, and Love at Thirty by Beaujolais. Cristy should review the second one. I don't suppose either of us are too homesick.

Lastly, and most intriguingly, Paul Kotheimer of the Hand-Made Record Label has released a CD called "A Martian Sends a Postcard Home," which is an astonishing variety of musical settings of poems by other people. Until the copyright issues are cleared, this is only available as a hand-made CD given to people by hand.