Announcing: Rock Geek Radio!

William and Cristy have just gotten a show: Rock Geek FM. Saturday mornings from 8-9 Central Time (GMT-6). Streaming online at weft.org. Or listen with static at 90.1 FM for those lucky enough to be in the radius.

Tune in Saturday, January 3rd to listen to us kick off the new year with our debut broadcast, as, in the true community radio style, we push the wrong buttons, get flustered, and say "um," while Cristy helps William answer the question, "What is Power Pop?"

Sesame goes Street

Bert manages to express how he feels about being a puppet in this candid video...

What would your emo band name be?

My brilliant buddy Genna sent me the following link, where you can find out your emo band name. Hers is Sunnyday Helicopter Heart. Mine is Physical Underlying Satellite. Now I'm gonna go home, put on some skinny jeans, and wail about how misunderstood I am.

http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/786/

The Best Rock Drummer Of All Time...

...is still Animal, from the Muppets.

The wise and powerful Rock Geeks have spoken.

Yes: NO!

Recently named Metamucil's spokesband. Here we see the group on the video shoot for "Owner of a Congestive Heart."

Game OVER, dudes!

So I guess Queen has re-formed, with Paul Rodgers (formerly of Free, Bad Company, and testosterone spank-fest The Firm) at the helm. I want to know who in the hell masterminded THIS geriatric disaster of seismic proportions. Seriously. Get the cane.

My hero, Shonna Tucker!

This kick-ass bassist and occasional vocalist for the Drive By Truckers is an inspiration to all girls who wanna rock! Pure, unadulterated, no-bullshit ROCK.

Speculative Rock Trivia Question

If Mick Jagger rode across the blazing desert on a fine Arab charger, wearing a suit of shining armor, coming to your emotional rescue, would that suit of armor stink worse than that album?

To wit: "A sweet sweet booty but stone stone cold!" Ew.

40 Ounces to Nicotine Freedom

So my friend and co-worker, Pete, quit smoking over the weekend and frankly, I'm worried. Over the past 16 months, I've come to learn that whenever he's stressed out and cranky, he blasts Sublime. I suspect that it's now on permanent repeat, judging from how many times I've heard "Santeria" this morning.

It's going to be a long week.

Why I Buy Records

Last night, after shopping at North Street Records in Normal, we had dinner with Marty and Danielle. Cristy explained to them that she was a “cheapskate” when it came to buying music. Which left hanging in the air the implication that became my confession: “I tend more to be, in Freudian terms, a bit anal-expulsive.”

I lived in Rosmarie and Keith Waldrop’s house for a year. They’ve got some books and CDs and records. When I asked Keith the naive, studently question what his theory was on book collecting, he shrugged. He said: “I don’t have a theory. It’s just that, where ever I stand, piles of books seem to grow around me.”

I subscribe to apocalypse thinking. I believe that I may end up being the last person alive, who inherits the responsibility for curating human coolness (or at least English-language coolness): rock and roll’s steward who must ensure that when the cats rise to claim the planet, they will learn guitar.

When the aliens land, and say TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER, I’ll be standing in my living room, with a foot of white beard, holding up a copy of Hopscotch, raving: “You got to read this book, man! ... Here: listen to the Kinks!”

WE HAVE COME TO TAKE ALL OF YOUR PLANET’S WATER.

“Water? Wow. I don’t even know that band, man.”

Of Montreal's Sex Sells

So when did Of Montreal morph into oversexed, funk pervs? In the late 1990s, they were a quaint little indie band who hung out with the pasty, horn-rimmed Wilson worshippers of the Elephant 6 collective. Powered by mastermind Kevin Barnes, Of Montreal's earnestness and whimsical lyrics provided precious respite from the whiny screamo and brawny frat rock (read: Limp Bizkit) of the era. Now Barnes—apparently hopped up on Viagra, oysters, and electronica—is drawing comparisons to David Bowie and Prince. Did I miss something over the past decade?

It's obvious when analyzing Of Montreal's approach to the love song:

From 1997's Cherry Peel: "I could make you spaghetti with tomato sauce/With just a touch of oregano/And a parsley stem"

From 2008's Skeletal Lamping: "Maybe I'll blow you/Whatever kind of kisses you want/Because you've got so much in common/With my big cock creator"

The kicker is that Of Montreal are now a total "It" band, beloved in college towns and topping the "staff picks" in record stores. I guess Barnes is doing someone—er, something—right.

Violens

Never name your band "Violens." If, in the weird science of naming bands, any misspelling counts as clever, then I guess I'm impressed. But when the DJ back-announced the band who recorded the song that had us spellbound, "Violens" was not among the first thirty spellings I would have guessed. And there is a band called "Violence." If there was never a band called "Violets," I'd say name your band that right now, it's a fantastic name. Except that when the DJ back-announces you, it won't do you any good. People will be looking for a band called "Violins," another fine name, unless your band has violinists, in which case it would not count as clever.

Violens has no album out yet, as best I can tell. But the song we heard is fantastic and can be downloaded for free.

Attention Facebook Users

Cristy and I have just created a quiz called "Are You a Rock Geek?" on Facebook. I'm not sure whether it's possible to link to it, but the determined should be able to find it by searching. Please let us know how you do.

No fair using wikipedia, geek.

The Greatest List of Greatest Things of All Time of All Time

This article, by the author of the greatest response to the war on terror of all time, is the greatest article about the Minutemen of all time.

R.I.P. Levi Stubbs

The Four Tops frontman died today at 72.

The Bee Gees save lives!

Attributed to Will Dunham, Reuters:

"U.S. doctors have found the Bee Gees' 1977 disco anthem 'Stayin' Alive' provides an ideal beat to follow while performing chest compressions as part of CPR on a heart attack victim."

Just one more freakin' thing for those damned baby  boomers to be smug about.

Fuck Work

At Rock Geek Chic headquarters, we've just obtained a new CD: Fuck Work, by the Unemployed Misfortune. While multiple listenings will be required before we can speak about this music with our full expertise, so far I think it's the total independent rock album, with a bold title, stunning cover art, and music that is arrestingly catchy and close enough to power pop to get me to turn it up a notch.

And it has a message.

Is it just me...

...or does Aimee Mann sound like Karen Carpenter?

Happy Birthday, Sammy Hagar!

That's right. The old spank who brought the world immortal AOR classics like "I Can't Drive 55," "There's Only One Way to Rock," and "Mas Tequila" turns 61 today.  IROC-Z owners are rejoicing everywhere.

Annoying Mistakes the Unenlightened Make

• Referring to Jethro Tull as "he"

• Attributing "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress" to CCR

• Referring to The Jesus and Mary Chain as The Jesus and Mary TRAIN (seriously, I heard this a few times on WPGU)

• Attributing "Stuck in the Middle" to Bob Dylan

• Attributing "A Horse with No Name" to Neil Young

• Referring to "Is There Something I Should Know" by Duran Duran as "Please Please Tell Me Now"

Spinal Tap moment #58

.38 Special at the Illinois State Fair, 1995.

The former wild-eyed Southern boys, weathered and bloated, unenthusiastically slogged through their set of late '70s/early '80s hits. But by mid-show--and after a few beers, perhaps--lead singer Max Carl (or was it Don Barnes?) was itching for  some rowdy audience participation, 1981-style. Launching into the raucous chorus of "Rockin' into the Night," he roared at the crowd to sing along, put his hand to his ear, and thrust his microphone toward blank yuppie boomers in Bermuda shorts. But instead of mass off-key shouting and fist-pumping, only crickets chirped. Tumbleweeds blew across the Grandstand. The faraway sound of a carousel rang through the summer air.

As if opening for a splintered Beach Boys lineup wasn't bad enough.

The Rolling Stone Album Guide Sucks!

Rolling Stone is widely considered to be the authority on music, with its Encyclopedia of Rock and Roll, top 500 lists (artists, albums, LP covers), and album guides. But I beg to differ. The fourth edition of Rolling Stone's Album Guide ("10,000 of the best rock, pop, hip-hop and soul records") is rife with lazy mistakes. Along with numerous grammar and usage inconsistencies, I found these monstrous errors:

Isobel Campbell doesn't sing Belle and Sebastian's "Waiting for the Moon to Rise"; Sarah Martin does.

Black Box Records should be Black Box Recorder.

Madonna's "Beautiful Stranger" isn't a "giddy Bond soundtrack hit"; it's from the second "Austin Powers" movie. (Her "Die Another Day" is from the Bond movie of the same name.)

"Nature's Way" isn't a "Rare Earth nugget"; it's by Spirit.

Metallica is omitted. This seems strange because the band is undeniably successful and boasts a vast album repertoire. I find it odd that Megadeth and Slayer merit entries and Metallica doesn't.

Rolling Stone might be getting so secure with its elite status that the editors are getting lazy. And why not? It's not like anyone's going to question the almighty Rolling Stone. But I'm taking a stand against such rock-n-roll sloth: I propose that Rolling Stone HIRE ME AS A COPY EDITOR AND FACT-CHECKER. I'll work cheap; I just ask to be credited on the editors' page and be extensively thanked in the acknowledgements section for restoring its good name.

The Dumbest Rock Death Ever?

Steven Peregrine Took, member of Tyrannosaurus Rex (before it became the abbreviated, glammy T. Rex): Death by inhaling—and subsequently choking on—a cocktail cherry.

Things That Keep Me Awake at Night

Before Hot Topic invaded Middle American malls with its Instant Goth-in-a-Box mentality, where did the goth kids get their clothes and makeup?

In the late 1980s and early 1990s, my school was too small for goth infiltration, but nearby Springfield boasted a healthy population of teenage Bauhaus worshippers. I would see them hanging out at the local head shop, Pennylane, and wonder how they coordinated their looks. Did their outfits take a long time to create? Did they wake up knowing exactly what to wear? How did they obtain blue-black hair dye? Did they always dress that way, or did they occasionally wear jeans, cutoffs, and Nikes when they stayed home? And before the Internet, how did they get into bands like Christian Death?  (MTV didn't even play goth bands on 120 Minutes, unless you count the Cure.)

Lastly, I wonder what they think of Hot Topic?

Update on Schnucks!

Very interesting developments. This afternoon, we hit the Co-op for fresh fruit. It seems the store is railing against the grocery-store music mediocrity that Schnucks has fallen victim to! In 15 minutes, I heard Modest Mouse, Cake, and Cracker. Not bad!

Schnucks' Greatest Hits!

Ideally, I'd conduct ALL my grocery shopping at Common Ground Food Co-op, which is practically across the street from my house. But sometimes I require midnight runs for cheap sushi, generic cat food, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch—and a kick-ass soundtrack while doing it. Which is why I'll go to Schnucks. In the past few months I've heard XTC, Squeeze ("Pulling Mussels from a Shell", NOT "Tempted"), the Ramones, and Low-era David Bowie. Most grocery stores sadistically force their customers to peruse the aisles to AM dreck like "Loves Me Like a Rock" or "Get Closer." But Schnucks is committed to creating the ultimate New Wave shopping experience for its customers.

Unfortunately, in my most recent outings, I've suspected a drastic format change. Starship has replaced Talk Talk; Rod Stewart has replaced Gary Numan. I'm afraid Schnucks might be going the way of bland contemporaries like Kroger and County Market. What gives?

Beständige Geschwindigkeit

Alex from Constant Velocity has sent in the following:

"If you are looking for a jumping off point for reviewing our album consider this:

Die drei Burschen von 'Constant Velocity' wissen ganz genau, was sie wollen. Sie wollen nicht irgendeinem Trend nacheifern oder gerecht werden. Wollen keinen perfekten Sound abliefern. Im Gegenteil. Sie wollen, das ihre Musik echt und unverfälscht klingt. Und das ist ihnen gelungen, im Original 60s Sound. Die 8 Songs verfolgen auch keinen bestimmten Stil. Vom melancholisch, ruhigen Indie-Rock bis zum Art-Punk oder auch Countrysong ist alles dabei. Das Trio aus den USA will sich auf keinen Stil festlegen lassen. Ihr Motto: Ein guter Freund ist ja euch nicht jeden Tag gleich drauf. Da gibt es ups und downs. Genau wie in ihrer Musik. Und das ist rein auf die Stimmung der Songs bezogen. Gut sind sie eigentlich alle. Auf jeden Fall aber rau, roh, ein wenig sonderbar und gerade deshalb interessant."

According to freetranslation.com, this means:

"The three fellows of 'Constant Velocity' know very exactly, what they want. They do not want to emulate any trend or want to become just. Want no perfect Sound deliver. In the opposite. They want, sounds that its music really and genuine. And that is arrive them, in the original 60s Sound. The 8 songs pursue also no certain style. Of the melancholy, quiet India skirt to the type Punk or also Countrysong, all is there. The trio out of the USA wants to determine let itself on no style. Your motto: A good friend is not yes you every day equally thereon. There there are ups and downs. Exactly like in its music. And that is related purely on the mood of the songs. They are goods actual everyone. In any case however roughly, raw, a little strange and for this very reason interesting."

Thanks, Alex. A good friend is not yes, indeed.

These Just In

We have been received some new CDs for possible review. We only trash sickeningly famous Rolling Stone best-album-list darlings, so we can already warmly endorse these independent artists. My former ukulele teacher Alex Smith from Bloomington-Normal, IL, has released a new CD with his band Constant Velocity: Muttonhead.

The enigmatic (as in: who the hell is this?) Coco Coca (and why is she called "Coco Coca"?) has sent us a CD called Black, Black, Black. Coco Coca appears to be a solo Seattle-Champaign artist, but we are wonderfully unburdened with any preconception of who they are that might interfere with our raw experience of the music. I do know that cacao is the agricultural commodity from which cocoa is derived, and Coca-Cola is of course a popular softdrink that once featured coca and cola as key ingredients to provide that extra-special zing, but this trivia tells me very little. Does the music sound like cola, chocolate, and cocaine? Sounds like a tour bus.

Our friends at Parasol have given us a couple of new releases: Homesick by the Tractor Kings, and Love at Thirty by Beaujolais. Cristy should review the second one. I don't suppose either of us are too homesick.

Lastly, and most intriguingly, Paul Kotheimer of the Hand-Made Record Label has released a CD called "A Martian Sends a Postcard Home," which is an astonishing variety of musical settings of poems by other people. Until the copyright issues are cleared, this is only available as a hand-made CD given to people by hand.

Blogs Away!

Welcome to the Rock Geek Chic blog. This blog is an appendix to our site rockgeekchic.com intended for rock geek writing that solicits explicit feedback from readers; is timely; acknowledges receipt of music CDs sent to us for analysis, review, babbling, and fawning; or impulsive rantings that couldn't wait for us to get off work and go home and write about properly.

By way of orienting us in the blogosphere, here are some links: we write for Smile Politely while we await a phone call from Mojo or 33 1/3. We listen to WPGU and WEFT will be lucky enough to host our radio show. Our main affiliation in the publishing world is Spineless Books. Our music teacher is Paul from the Hand Made Record Label. As we are conveniently situated in the middle of hectares of corn, we shop most often at Exile on Main Street, Record Swap, Parasol, Luna, Euclid, Reckless, and Grimey's.